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Beaten at 2Baba’s Rumours

Beaten at 2Baba’s Rumours

Have you got beaten over a fine piece of ass before? This is a tale of “cheek wey get destiny for Nigerian slap, if e travel abroad dem go still deport am”



All day at work last Friday, all I had on my mind was how I would get home, take a cold shower, eat the rice I left over in the morning and hit the bed. I needed that sleep.

But, I was barely 20 minutes into my nap when I heard a loud bang on my door. I ignored it expecting the banger to leave when he gets tired. But I was wrong, he kept banging until he made sure all the sleep in my eyes packed and left.

“This Jehovah’s witness people again” I muffled as I walked angrily to the door. The person I saw got me angrier than I would be if it was the JWs. It was the only crazy friend I’ve got- Samad. The sheepish grin on his face told me he was up to some mischief. He was always up to mischief.

“Why e con take you 100yrs to open the door?” I ignored him and went back to bed.

“Abeg stand up. You dey mad? We dey comot” he was pinching my abs as he talked.

“I’m not following you anywhere” I grabbed a pillow and pulled it over my face.

“You sabi Investor Kukushi wey dey beside my flat nah? Him client just drop 4million, we dey go Rumours, that 2baba club” he said with a naughty excitement.

“The same Rumours?” I was tempted by the idea of going to Rumours, owned by my favourite Nigerian artiste.

“Yes nah, o ya your talk talk don do” he pulled me off the bed.

Twenty minutes later, I found myself cramped with 7 others in one Lexus car like that. The whole place reeked of alcohol and marijuana. The music was mad loud like a Yoruba movie advert! Even Naira Marley would hate it in that car. You can imagine my relief when we finally got to Rumours.

As we entered, I immediately felt out of place. Girls emerged out of nowhere and somehow everyone had a girl to himself. Our money guy, Investor Kukushi had two girls but I somehow didn’t have any. Samad offered me his girl but I declined, not that the girl ain’t cool but it is in the Article II of the Bro Codes- You don’t take a girl that belongs to a fellow bro.

Anyways, I looked up and saw the heavy behind one daughter of eve. She was on blue bumshorts and black crop top, she had those rainbow coloured waist beads that made the wires in my head sparkle. Now her ass… God have mercy on me. Okay, there are 317 types of asses. I’ll mention 3 because of time and ink. I’ll make a post on types of asses later.

  1. Caribbean Mohawk Apple Ass
  2. Double Piggy Ass
  3. Ashanti Hypogiantic hippy Ass and 314 others

The girl’s ass is Ashanti hypogiantic Hippy. A typically fat protrusion of the behinds with wide hips.

What I saw got me out of my head such that I couldn’t notice that I was woefully going out of my league. Before I knew it, I was already in the VVIP lounge and all over the assy mermaid in bumshorts.

Two bouncers approached me and carried me off with clutch of my jeans belt strap. They dropped me off at the entrance, my mouth said some cuss words and two heavy blows landed on both sides of my head. My eyes fixed on the ‘Rumours’ sign at the entrance of the club and I starred agonizingly at it as I went into oblivion.

I woke up and found ‘Power’ playing on my laptop screen. Tommy and Ghost were having another bout of their betrayal fits and it occurred to me! I had slept off thinking Ghost named is club Truth in other to spite 2baba who’s club’s name is Rumours.

Beaten at 2Baba’s Rumours

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