On a fateful day, when I returned from the workplace, Fatimah ran to me at the gate and hugged me, even though the hugging seems boring, we exchanged pleasantries. She asked me about how my day went; I don’t know what to say, I just replied with Alhamdullilah. She told me that she had good news for me but she wanted me to guess what the good news was. I told her that I was poor at guessing. She refused to open-up until I guessed, intending to have fun with it, but I was not in mood of having fun. I didn’t bother what the good news was; I stood up and went into the bedroom. I lay on the bed and started to listen to the Qur’an recitation of Shaykh Siddiq Al- Minshawy from my phone.
Fatimah was vexed up and she barged inside, she exclaimed “Subhanallah, you this man, why are you torturing me? With all love I showed you, you had never made me happy since I entered your house, Is this what sunnah taught you? I was discussing an important matter with you and you ignored me, you came here now listening to Quran recitation, Am I not important?
I apologised to her and told her that I thought she was joking, and then I asked her what the good news was?
Fatimah: okay, I agreed but before the news, let me ask you about something, you do tell me that your favourite reciter is Shaykh Abdulrahman Sudais, but you are listening to Minshawy now, have you fell in love with Shaykh’s voice?
Me: no, I didn’t fell in love o; I just love to listen to it whenever I think about somebody who loves minshawy so dearly and mimics him so closely.
When Fatimah heard what I said, she broke into tears; she said “so, you came here thinking about Nabeelah while I wanted to give you important news, don’t you know that Minshawy is her favourite reciter, and you cannot lie that she was not the one you were thinking about because she is the one that could mimic Minshawy so closely.”
I was surprised about how she guessed so right, if I knew that she would know that it is about Nabeelah, I wouldn’t have told her, I would have given her an excuse. I felt bad for what happened and I apologised to her but she didn’t listen, she told me that she regretted that she came into my life. She cried the whole night but later forgave me when I promised to change my attitude towards her. Though down inside my heart, I knew that I didn’t love her, I love Nabeelah.
How will I cope with a loveless marriage?
It was very difficult for me to live without thinking of Nabeelah; there were sometimes that I would feel like I should hear her voice, I would force myself to hang up the phone most times, even if I had dialled the first three digit of her number. Fatimah is fed up of my attitude and she had started to regret the help she gave me after so many years I had been searching for someone to marry me, I knew that what I was doing was bad but I couldn’t help myself, I also wished the love of Nabeelah to leave my heart and I wished to love Fatimah.
I was also told that Nabeelah was not also concentrating about her home, Sulayman had been complaining of her to her parents, and he had been threatening them that if she doesn’t change, he would divorce her. I knew that Nabeelah was also being thinking of me. Love is a tragedy.
I am afraid that Fatimah may also decide to leave me if I don’t change my attitudes towards her and if she divorced me, there will be nobody to marry me. Sickle cell disease brought a handsome man like me into a mess like this.
I went to tell Abdul rahman that the solution he gave me failed, he told me love will grow after nikkah but nothing is happening now. I explained to him that the love of nabeeelah didn’t leave my heart, I also told him about how Fatimah caught me fantasizing about nabeeelah. I sought him for solution to my marital problems.
Abdul rahman listened to me carefully and said “you complained that her love is not growing, do you do anything to increase her love in your heart? You must work towards the success of your marriage and make her love grow in your heart. Shaykh Salih al Fawzan said ‘don’t rely that Allah will sustain your marriage, put in your effort and make the marriage last’”
I was confused with what Abdul Rahman was saying, I asked him that how will I work towards the marriage and make her love grow?
He answered “the first thing that you will do is to pray to… to be continued