Man proposes but God disposes. Ja’far is in love with Nabeelah but it is Fatimah who he does not love that he eventually did nikkah with. Will it last?
From her response, I knew she was really anxious, we exchanged pleasantries and asked her about Nabeeelah, and she informed me that she was busy inside, Fatimah led me into the room and I sat on a green mat beside their bed.
“I appreciated Fatimah for her kind gesture, I knew that she really pitied my condition because it is not easy for a lady to propose marriage to a guy” I said
Fatimah said “when you came here to talk about the agony you are experiencing as a SCD patient and how ladies were deserting you because of your ailment, I pitied your condition and decided to marry you since my genotype is AA, if we got married, our children will only have 25% chance of becoming SS, I decided to marry you as a jihad from my part for being a Muslim, because if we don’t marry you, will you marry the non-believers?”
I now realised that she really meant to help me; I informed her that I agreed to marry her as my wife, and we should start discussion about our nikkah.
Nabeelah said “ja’far please, I know you to be a good Muslim and I won’t want you to see my friend as a cheap fellow, her type is rare, but she did it because of Allah, I won’t want you to tell anybody that she proposed to you, because you might see it as if she is trying to help your situation, but people will see her as being flirt.”
I understand the point she was raising and I assured her that there is no call for alarm.
And our preparation for nikkah started.
Our nikkah didn’t appear like a nikkah to me, it seems like a funeral; it is awkward to hear that the groom doesn’t feel free to chat with his bride, despite the merry making of both families, I am bored with the wedding party.
I knew Nabeelah also was not happy but she was pretending, each time my glance crossed with hers, I remembered our lovey-dovey days, I felt like someone whom his gold was snatched and was given a tin in return. Surely a tin is never comparable with gold.
If our nikkah could be as boring as it is now, how will our marital life be? I tried to trick my heart that “All is well” from what I learnt from a popular Bollywood movie, but it didn’t work out. I have to face the reality and never compare it with movie scenes.
Fatimah on her side was very happy, our nikkah as a fantastic day to her. It was her first time to be dressed in a full niqab; she felt on top of the world and she couldn’t hide her happiness. She introduced many of her family and friends to me but I was not concentrating, she noticed my lack of concentration and she asked me concerning it, I lied to her that the population of people in attendance worried me. She assured me that all will be well.
On the night of our nikkah, I couldn’t sleep in the same room with her, I was not comfortable seeing her hairs, I still have the feelings of being a non-mahram to her, even though I had paid her mahr. She was worried about my behaviour and she reported me to my mum the next day, when my mum asked me about it, I lied that I was too tired that night, my mum admonished me to stop such behaviour , I apologised to Fatimah and did as my mum said. My loveless marital life with Fatimah begins.
It was two months after my nikkah with Fatimah, Nabeelah also got married to a man called Sulayman , I intentionally not attended her nikkah because each time I see Nabeelah with Sulayman, I viewed the man as somebody who stole my possession, my heart feel emptiness and wrenching each time I see them together. To avoid the development of hatred of a fellow Muslim in my heart; I avoided anything that would make me see them together.
When we were in madrasah, we were told the story about how Allah tried Zulaykha with love of prophet Yusuf (alayhi salaam), then I would blame Zulaykha of loving another person outside her marriage (may Allah forgive me), I didn’t realise the trial of love from Allah until my marriage with Fatimah, Living in the same room with Fatimah didn’t make us any closer, I always felt as if I was distant to her; I may be sitting with her in the sitting room but my mind would be with Nabeelah, I tried so much to do away with the love of Nabeelah but my heart was full of her love.
It is part of Allah’s commandment that the husband should always make his wife happy but Most times when I tried to be free with Fatimah, I don’t know what to say to her, we were really living like strangers in the house ,I have not seen the love I was promised that will grow after our nikkah . But I am still looking unto the heaven, expecting manna from Allah.
On a fateful day, when I returned from the workplace, Fatimah ran to me at the gate and… to be continued.