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Why I hate Delivery Men

Two delivery men knocked on Wunmi's door bearing gifts from Mr Anonymous, what followed was an unbearable disaster.

Why I hate Delivery Men

“A knock on my door this morning? who could it be? oh, maybe Zara, my best friend. I call her my personal witch, what could she want for her to be here this early on a cold Saturday morning?” all this thought goes through my head as I move towards the door.

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“Are you miss Wummi?” asked one of the delivery men standing in front of me

“yes I am”

“ok we was asked to deliver this to you, can you please sign here?”

I smiled as I signed and he hands over a gift box beautifully dressed, followed by an adorable rose flower With a card inside that says “good morning priceless” I blushed as I say thank you and jam my door…

Kunle a Yoruba demon is such a romantic but wait, he never calls me priceless, what happened? maybe that’s his new month pet name for me, awwn so cute…I jumped on my bed feeling like a princess that just found her prince charming, I grab the phone and dial the contact “cookie cakes” lol that was how I saved Kunle number on my phone.

“good morning, prince charming, you got me just on this one to be sincere, awwn why so sweet?”

I don’t understand what you’re saying was Kunle’s response.

“Ahah didn’t you send the box gift and the rose flower?

“I didn’t send anything to you, so you now accept gifts from men right?”

“Wait for what?” I was speechless. I lay on my bed listening to Kunle hurting words, he hung up and left me in my thoughts. What is wrong with Kunle? are we having a fight or there is something am not getting right? I decided to open the gift to at least know Who fucked up my day…the sadness I feel turned anger immediately I open the gift box and saw a note that says” Good morning priceless, hope you had a goodnight rest? from a distance lover that gat your back. Anonymous”

“WTF does that? Is this some Nollywood shit or what?” I was still raging with anger when I saw the snicker chocolate under a pack of gum.. maybe Mr. Anonymous isn’t that bad after all I said as I smiled and pick the snicker to devour it.

One week gone Kunle is still giving me attitude, “Ahah lori kini?” finally, he decided to come to say hi to me this Saturday and I was damn happy..omo love na idiot. I woke up as early as 6am to start preparing his favorite yam and egg sauce so I will have time to makeup although he told me he will be at my side by 12.

I had so silly a scenario in my head already, Lord forgive me…Just immediately I finish preparing the sauce, already on a towel to go take my bath, only for me to hear a knock on my door.. wow…I guess he missed me that much…Not bad timing boo, the towel can go off for all I care…as I walk graciously to the door with so many naughty things in my head…

I opened the door immediately I let my towel fall…I was embarrassed by the sight of the delivery men with him speechlessly standing right in front of me.. behind  them is Kunle “my Yoruba demon”

I wish I could just erase this scenario from my head, I wished I wasn’t too forward, I wish the ground could just swallow me.. “Kunle it’s not what you thi…” I was not able to complete my sentence before kunle faded away without a trace, I broke down immediately leaving the delivery men to their fate, confused whether to go or stay, they just kept saying sorry.. they already said that for a couple of minutes now.. “it ok, you can go” I muttered.

I slammed the door and walked to my room, took my phone and I found a message from cookie cakes “I thought you were different, I cant do this anymore” my life left, I felt lifeless as I slowly go low on the tile, crying while calling Kunle and praying he picked, yeah I guess God was busy then so my prayers weren’t answered.

I called Zara. She came in looking worried, I explained everything to her.. she gave me a warning hug, I fell asleep not quite long.

“It has been two weeks, he blocks all your numbers and mine too babe move on, it is not the end of the world” that was what Zara kept telling me every time I try Kunle’s number.

“Fine, girl, am not gonna drown in my own tear.. it already 9pm, girlfriend let me freshen up and let go grab some drinks and maybe some di**k”

“Yeay! now you’re taking” said Zara as I walked into my room to get dressed.

As we stepped into the club. I felt whole again. I just want to dance, dance away my sorrow.. maybe I thought, as I was about to get my self a cutie. I heard a beep… WTF could this be? bad timing, I open to check..it was a Facebook notification, a friend of mine tagging me and 99 others on an invitation to my boyfriend’s wedding. WHATT???

Maybe I was drunk without getting a drink or I Was high on this club. I sha know I didn’t see that well, the last thing I heard before finding myself in the hospital was Zara calling my name..it was real, it wasn’t a dream…months passed, kunle was happily married, Mr. Anonymous was not showing face again. I was alone and miserable.. was Kunle cheating on me? Did he set me up with the delivery men? was the Yoruba demon still Mr anonymous? These were questions I never got an answer to.

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Do you think one of the delivery men is the Mr Anonymous or Kunle had played a set up? share your opinion in the comment box.

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